Realization
by J Bear
Summary: Mac realizes something before it is too late.


Disclamers: The usual, no monay, don't sue, just a nice out of the ordinary fic. All belongs to some guy at the head of the CBS table… and the creator…

Writer: Moi, J Bear

A/N: First JAG fic, be kind. Er… Actually… say whatever. Just something that popped into my head during essay writing for dumb@$$ English Class… Ignore the fact that Renee is supposed to be in the JAG timeline… Actually let's move the Renee and mortician marriage up a month before Brumby and Mac gets married.

This is it I tell myself. I'm doing it. I'm going to be getting married. After all those days, all those years. I actually found a nice guy to get married to. Then why the hell does my mind go back to a certain partner… This makes no sense at all… 

"Mac?" my fiancé, Mic Brumby, asks "Care to dance?"

I nod, unable to bring myself to speak.

The music begins and I drift back again… to a time… before Mic…

Take my hand, touch my face  
Let me feel your embrace  
Let me see in your eyes  
That you won't say goodbye  
Just tell me how you feel  
I don't know what you're thinking anymore

He was always there, always. Those eyes, those arms of comfort. This is getting me nowhere. I keep drifting off to him. _You're an engaged woman Mackenzie, you're about to get married in less than a week._ I quietly tell myself

"Something wrong love?" Mic looked concerned. I must be showing my frustration. Putting on a mask, I tell him "No of course not." And plastered a smile on my face. 

I closed my eyes and swayed to the music... I feel so comfortable in Mic's arms. But it doesn't feel right. Nothing around me feels right. I need him. Oh god, what am I doing? Mic loves me. He doesn't. I laid my heart on the line back in Sydney Harbor, all he did was deny and step on it. I wonder if all brides are so unsure of herself on the week of their weddings. Maybe I should ask Harriet. _QUIT IT Mackenzie. _I scold myself, _do you love the man_? [Which one?] _You know which one_ [I do?] _Quit pretending! _Great I'm talking to myself again. 

And if you need me, you'd kiss me  
Then tell me how you feel  
And if you want me, you'd show me  
That your love is for real  
And if you love me  
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong  
So while I'm feeling strong  
I sing you one last song

Do I love him?

Mic. Do I love Mic? Sure I do, not the way I'm suppose to though. I know I'm not giving him my heart and my soul. Not entirely. 

Harm. Do I love Harm? No. Of course I don't love Harm, that's just silly. How could I love that arrogant, egotistical, soft, generous man who couldn't turn away when I got drunk, who's been there and seen me at my best and my worse. Oh god, I do love him. I love him with all my heart and soul. 

I've been mistaken. I'm wrong. This is wrong. I need to see him. I need to see him now. I need to tell him. 

I break out of my reverie and turn to Mic.                                                                                 

"Mic, I-

All the time he's been watching me struggle with my inner demons, with my decision for the rest of my life, or rather our lives. And he understands.

"Go to him Sarah. I've lost you. I don't think I ever had your love entirely." He caresses my face with his rough calloused hands. Giving me a sad smile he turns away and heads to the door. I run after Mic. The pouring rain hits me as I leave the restaurant. Looking left, then right. He's nowhere to be seen. 

Then I see him. The man I just admitted to loving. 

Harm.  
  
__

_Let me ask time has passed  
Do you feel this could last  
If you don't, why then stay  
Take your wings, fly away  
I love you way too much  
To wanna be the one who brings you down_

He stares at me with those steel blue eyes. His jet black hair soaked in rain, dripping wet. He walks closer to me and I see tears running down his face, a look of fear, nervousness and relief flashes. 

"I thought… I thought I had lost you." 

"Harm… I-

"No listen. That night in Sydney, I'm sorry. I panicked. I want to make this right Sarah. I want you in my life. I need you in my life. Please don't marry Brumby. I know it's selfish of me, but-

I cut him off, lifting a finger to his lips.

"I love you." I said simply. "I love you Harmon Rabb Junior."

"Brumby-

"We talked it over Harm. And it's over. He knows, he's always known."

Silence. 

I need him to tell me. Those three life-altering yet simple words.

"Mac, I- I- I think we should go, it's pouring rain outside for god sakes."

"I need to hear it Harm. Do you love me?"

"Yes" he whispered "Yes I love you Sarah. I think I always have and I definitely know I always will."

_And if you need me, you'd kiss me  
Then tell me how you feel  
And if you want me, you'd show me  
That your love is for real  
And if you love me  
You'd hold me in your arms where I belong  
So while I'm feeling strong  
I sing you one last song_

We look and now we know. Now I know. I see the love emanating from his eyes, so clear, so pure. We move towards each other and sealed the future of our lives, with a kiss. 

_Review pls._


End file.
